And also…
Oh snap, my bad.
Did you guys see about this new LOTR show?
And remember, with every Amazon Prime subscription, you get one free Twitch Subscription that you need to use every month, or Jeff Bezos gets to keep the money.
Spin Me Round
Cinema Release & AMC+ | 19 August
When the manager of an American chain restaurant is selected to attend a special training program in Italy, her head swims with dreams of European glamour and romance. But the trip turns out to be much different – and possibly more dangerous – than the exotic getaways she imagines.
Flown to an Italian immersion program on her company’s dime, what starts as a romantic getaway devolves into chaos in this wild new comedy.
Stars Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Alessandro Nivola, Molly Shannon, Tim Heidecker, Ayden Mayeri, Zach Woods, Ben Sinclair, and Fred Armisen.
Releases in cinemas and on AMC+ on Friday, 19 August.
Aubrey Plaza needs to be together with Alison Brie in something regular on the small screen. Her in Parks and Rec and Alison Brie in Community should be enough reason for someone to put them together.
The Immaculate Room
Cinema and On Demand Release | 19 August
Mike and Kate, a seemingly perfect couple, join a psychological experiment to compete for 5 million dollars if they can last 50 days in a sleek, white room in complete isolation. No phones, no family – only the Voice of the Immaculate Room keeping them in check if they think of straying. But as the clock ticks down, the Room becomes more than it seems, putting them through cruel tests to break their resolve and resurfacing private demons which they may not survive.
Stars Emile Hirsch, Kate Bosworth, Ashley Greene, M. Emmet Walsh, Alex Sgambati, and Tiffany Smith.
Releases in cinemas and On Demand on Friday, 19 August.
An intriguing premise for a psychological experiment. And I’m sure there’s a host of reality TV pitches being prepared right now to capitalise on it. Big Brother Extreme.
In my weekly DnD game we have had a lot of adventures… And somehow a lot of these adeventures made it into a movie, it seems!
I miss the luggage…
Michelle Rodriguez? I’m in.
Samaritan
Prime Video| 26 August
25 years ago, the world’s greatest hero vanished.
Thirteen-year-old Sam Cleary suspects that his mysterious and reclusive neighbor Mr. Smith is actually a legend hiding in plain sight. Twenty years ago, Granite City’s super-powered vigilante, Samaritan, was reported dead after a fiery warehouse battle with his rival, Nemesis. Most believe Samaritan perished in the fire, but some in the city, like Sam, have hope that he is still alive. With crime on the rise and the city on the brink of chaos, Sam makes it his mission to coax his neighbor out of hiding to save the city from ruin.
Stars Sylvester Stallone, Javon “Wanna” Walton, Pilou Asbæk, Dascha Polanco, Moises Arias, Martin Starre.
Streams on Prime Video from Friday, 26 August.
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Netflix | December
A darker version of the classic children’s fairy tale of a wooden puppet that transforms into a real living boy.
Guillermo del Toro reinvents Carlo Collodi’s classic tale of the wooden marionette who is magically brought to life in order to mend the heart of a grieving woodcarver named Geppetto. This whimsical, stop-motion musical directed by Guillermo del Toro and Mark Gustafson follows the mischievous and disobedient adventures of Pinocchio in his pursuit of a place in the world.
Stars the voice talents of a veritable Hollywood whos-who: Gregory Mann, Ewan McGregor, David Bradley, Tilda Swinton, Cate Blanchett, Finn Wolfhard, Christoph Waltz, John Turturro, Ron Perlman, Tim Blake Nelson, and Burn Gorman.
Streams on Netflix in December.
Not to be confused with the Tom Hanks Disney+ live action Pinocchio releasing in September.
Snoopy Presents Lucy’s School
Apple TV+ | 12 August
When summer ends, the classroom fun begins. Start the school year with the Peanuts gang when Lucy’s School.
The Peanuts gang is nervous about going to a new school, so Lucy starts her own. She soon learns that teaching is tougher than she thought - and that change can be a good thing.
Streams on Apple TV+ from 12 August.
Blonde
Netflix | 28 September
Discover a life both known and unknown in this boldly imaginative film that explores the complicated life of Hollywood icon Marilyn Monroe. Based on the novel of the same name by Joyce Carol Oates.
Stars Ana de Armas, Adrien Brody, Bobby Cannavale, Xavier Samuel, and Julianne Nicholson.
Streams on Netflix from 28 September.
From the little bits of the trailers I have seen, Ana struggles with her Cuban accent.
The producers and the Marilyn Monroe Estate seem to be happy with her, and if you pitch as an homage to Marilyn more than a re-enactment, I think she’ll do fine.
OK, clearly I dont have a personality for the internet… I was not nearly outraged enough! I thought it a bit off, thats all… Time to get some anger management classes to learn how to get more angry!
Yeah, I thought the “outrage” was a bit dramatic too. But that’s the modern world we live in. Someone will find something to be outraged about. And then not hesitate to express their outrage at whatever it is from the comfort of their single bed bedroom. Especially if it’s America.
I just wonder sometimes how people have all this energy for outrage over something as meaningless as an actors accent, but very little for things like climate change and kids getting shot in their classrooms.
Do Revenge
Netflix | 16 September
After a clandestine run-in, Drea and Eleanor team up to go after each other’s tormentors. Do Revenge is a subverted Hitchcock-ian dark comedy featuring the scariest protagonists of all: teenage girls.
Drea is at the peak of her high school powers as the Alpha it-girl on campus when her entire life goes up in flames after her sex tape gets leaked to the whole school, seemingly by her boyfriend and king of the school, Max. Eleanor is an awkward new transfer student who is angered to find out that she now has to go to school with her old bully, Carissa who started a nasty rumor about her in summer camp when they were 13. After a clandestine run-in at tennis camp, Drea and Eleanor form an unlikely and secret friendship to get revenge on each other’s tormentors.
Stars Camila Mendes, Maya Hawke, Rish Shah, Austin Abrams, Talia Ryder, Ava Capri, Jonathan Daviss, Maia Reficco, Paris Berelc, Alisha Boe and Sophie Turner.
Streams on Netflix from 16 September.
“…featuring the scariest protagonists of all: teenage girls.” Lol. 100% accurate.
Triangle of Sadness
Theatre Release | 7 October
In Ruben Östlund’s wickedly funny Palme d’Or winner, social hierarchy is turned upside down, revealing the tawdry relationship between power and beauty. Celebrity model couple, Carl and Yaya, are invited on a luxury cruise for the uber-rich, helmed by an unhinged boat captain. What first appeared Instagrammable ends catastrophically, leaving the survivors stranded on a desert island and fighting for survival.
Stars Harris Dickinson, Charlbi Dean Kriek, Woody Harrelson, Dolly De Leon, Zlatko Buric, Iris Berben, Vicki Berlin, Henrik Dorsin, Jean-Christophe Folly, Amanda Walker, Oliver Ford Davies, and Sunnyi Melles.
Releases in theatres on 7 October.
Bullet Proof
In Theatres and On Demand | 19 August
Vinnie Jones (Snatch) plays Temple, a sadistic mob boss, in this gritty, white-knuckle action ride. After stealing millions in cash from Temple’s drug-dealing hideout, a thief finds a stowaway in his getaway car – Temple’s pregnant wife, Mia! Desperate to reclaim his cash – and his unborn son – Temple sends out a squad of hit men and bounty hunters to bring in Mia and the thief. Speed, cleverness, and good aim give the duo a brief advantage, but how long will their luck hold out?
Stars Vinnie Jones, Lina Lecompte, James Clayton, Philip Granger.
In theatres and selected on demand services from 19 August.
Skop, skiet, en donder!