Perhaps some words of encouragement: You are wrong on this point. The lessons you impart by word and deed are both important, even if your children didn’t seem to listen. Children can also take good lessons from your mistakes. I know I learned as much from the mistakes my parents made / their bad example as from their good example.
Both my parents smoked and my mom’s siblings (my aunts) also smoke(d). Of all of the cousins whose parents smoke, only the sons of one my aunts took up smoking. The rest of us never smoked, as far as I know.
Despite being smokers, both my parents always warned us of the dangers. They’d say that they wished they never started. My father was the type who said that if I want to smoke and drink, I mustn’t hide it from him. My mom wasn’t quite like that… She’d say the same thing, but I know she’d still be disappointed if she found out.
I mention that to illustrate that I have the perspective of experiencing two parenting styles: one strict, one more permissive.
In the end, while the values my parents instilled laid the foundation, I think another important factor is the fact that none of my core group of friends in high school or university smoked. If the people you hang out with smoke and drink, you are going to be tempted to join in. I guess it’s a form of peer pressure, but it’s not like they’re going “Come on man, you should smoke!”. It’s more like a mixture of boredom and the innate need to form social bonds that come into play.
In our case we played Magic: The Gathering. I arguably spent more money on cards in high school than smokers spent on cigarettes, but at least I spared my lungs.
Man, that’s rough. I’m not a parent, and my wife and I made the decision to not have children, so I really have no basis to provide any advice.
What I can say is that my wife is a smoker, and we’d definitely be disappointed if one of our goddaughters started smoking, so I can kind of empathize with your feelings.
All I can say is: 1) If this is the first time you’re disappointed in something your daughter did, I think you can pat yourself on the back! Teenagers are notorious for doing stupid things, so making it that far speaks volumes to the type of person you guys raised.
2) Keep in mind that while it sucks, it could have been worse! Try to focus on all the good qualities you managed to instil, and do try to give yourself enough credit for it.
3) I think a big part of the disappointment might also be the realization that at 18, you’re role as a parent is going to become smaller and smaller. Don’t believe that feeling! I’m a large, semi-muscular man, with grey in my beard, and I phoned my parents last week before going for a minor operation. We ALWAYS have an umbilical attached!
Like I started with, I’ve got no place to advise from, so use it, don’t use it, but I really hope that yo get over feeling sorry for yourself quickly - no parent that kept a human alive for 18 years should feel that way!
Wow ok, I read and appreciated all the comments about my parenting issue today. I had a long, honest conversation with my daughter this morning and it turns out my problems are even worse/better??? than I thought.
She tells me now that she hates smoking and tried it once. BUT that she smokes weed instead, and she is growing it in our garden.
Well at least its better than smoking, and it makes you happy (well depending on the type of plant )
What i find abit funny is that shes growing it in the garden lol. I think is the fact that she did not like smoking is good, saying that smoking weed now and then is not a bad thing.
As someone who hated weed and the effects it had on me when we were young - now its completely different. But check with her if she using it to get high, to relax, to cope with stress.
I still cant smoke it, but I do take thc tablets to sleep, cbd for stress and pain and then I have edibles - I get 3 or 4 lollipops that I carry with me, if my anxiety kicks in I take a tiny piece (I have learnt to smash my lollies with a hammer to shatter it - easier to get small bites.
I am at the point where I dont eat a lot of the lollies (during lock down I did, but I hate getting high and not being in control, so I literally just take a small bite to calm down.)
If she is using it to get high, maybe try to have discussion about why she wants to escape.
If it is for medicinal reasons, then swop her to cbd.
if i am under alot of pressure I must say I do take it when I have alot to get done I for some reason get super fucused. But I agree with @Wyvern check if shes smoking it just for to get high or the reasons mentoned above.
HOE! all the thc does to me is knock me on my arse - no matter what kind they try with me, I will sleep if I take more than a micro dose. And even then I relax I can deal but I tend to be easily distracted.
A person needs to understand that cannabis is a powerful medicine, and needs to be treated with respect. Also, when used properly and in moderation, can be a wonderful source of entertainment.
I wish, if I am not careful, I just curl up and sleep. But that is why I take my capsules about an hour before bed, then I sleep like a baby - my insomnia is so much bette!
I can never get past the texture.