Hi all, hope you had a great weekend.
On Wednesday I get to do something I’ve never done before… MC at a wedding. Anyone know some good (clean) wedding jokes?
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I’ve been watching Married… With Children on Amazon Prime lately. I’m probably not the best person to ask 
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mornings!!!
it looks like its going to be yet another humdinger busy week at the office for me SIGH
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I don’t know about epic, but people have told stories and legends about my abilities as an MC…
And let me go see, I may have the odd joke or 3 lying around. Mostly they are all contextual. Those always works best.
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Dude they are epic, the fact that I know of them and not from you tells me they are 
I’ve MC’d a couple. One I only worked out only once I said it is incredible blasphemous.
Two I use are: (assuming the couples names are Ryan and Kate)
Use a favourite hobby or camping trip here - use the couples names
Ryan walks into the room after a day fishing and feeling all cocky before his shower he whips his undies off and throws them at Kate and says “hey babe, put these on and see what i go through all day”
Kate under the blanket tries to slip them on and says " they too big"
Ryan retorts “-ha, now you see who wears the pants in this relationship”
Kate thinking on her feet slips her panties off and whips them accross to ryan “put these on” she instructs.
Ryan get the panties halfway up his thighs and says " I cant get into these"
to which kate replies " and thats how it will stay until you change your attitude."
2 - use grooms name and also a hobby or something.
Ryan is sitting at his fly fishing clubs bar and a knock sounds on the door.
Ryan goes to the door and answers it. Outside stands an old lady who asks if she could come in for a drink.
“you know we drink heavily here ma’am” says ryan
the old lady replies " my boy, ive finished a crate of quarts and a halfjack before coming here - dont think you can out drink me.
Ryan replies " some of the guys smoke indoors and we not changing our pub for any legislation"
Old lady replies " I smoke 42 camels a day."
Getting frustrated and not wanting the lady to come in Ryan says “some of the boys smoke the occasional joint in here”
The old lady replies " I popped LSD in high school"
Finally Ryan about to admit defeat asks one last question "Ma’am, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?
Slightly aghast the old lady replies " Geeez! I’ve been swung around by the nipples on occasion, but no never picked up by the fuzz.
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Nevermind found the page
Good morning peoples!
I’m so glad that Thursday is a public holiday. 
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Good morning everyone. I concur with @Solitude, thank goodness about the short week. Yesterday’s traffic was killer, I only got home at past 8.
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That’s horrible that you got home so late Hammer!
I hope the traffic is better today.
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Mornin’ all!
Boss gave us Friday off, so I get a 4 day weekend!
And found out last night we have two teams coming from Pretoria for the September long weekend for our first real hockey game. They say they want to mingle our team in with theirs so they don’t slaughter us, but we are insisting we have at least one where we play as our own team (and I’m sure we will get slaughtered, but hey!). Just watch it be my first night on my new wheels…
I’m stoked!
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greetings on this icy tuesday
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Good Morning everyone.
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Morning people of the palace
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Just the way I like it!
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Morning peoples.
hope you all have a kick ass day
Felt like a tit yesterday. Was dropping off some eats for my wife at the schools sports day (my wife is a teacher and not student - just clearing that up.) and got chatting to the fire and emergency services Chief who we work with a lot in our farm security group. He gets a call that a kid has been kidnapped from the local play school. I jump in his bakkie and we scream to the school and they where like is all ok?
The guy who called it in got the town wrong…
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I know its only a 3 day week for me, but today already feels like its Friday… Gonna be a long day tomorrow I think.
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i was intending to have a 3 day week, but had two appointments booked for Friday.
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