My friend borrowed my grandfather clock.
He owes me big time!
6 Likes
Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married?
The wedding was terrible, but the reception was amazing!
8 Likes
I just found out that you don’t need training to be a garbage man.
You just pick it up as you go along.
I also just found out my countertops are made of marble.
All this time I’ve been taking them for granite.
6 Likes
Where did the IT guy go?
He ransomware…
6 Likes
My oldest son sees my latest book on my desk and asks…
Son: What do you get when you hit someone with a pickle?
Me: …
Son: Jürgen Klopp (Gherkin Klap)
At least that’s what he was trying to get it 
6 Likes
Now days, people don’t use the name Lance very often
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
8 Likes
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a Crusty Bus Station and the other is a Busty Crustation…
6 Likes
Did anyone see my Gone in 60 seconds DVD?
It was here a minute ago.
7 Likes
Definitely a dad joke in that the kids of today wouldn’t even know about that movie!
3 Likes
I invented a new word…
… plagiarism!
6 Likes
Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and asks:
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
6 Likes
Two soldiers are in a tank.
One turns the other and asks:
“blurb blop blurp blurrp?”
5 Likes
What do you call a short psychic who broke out of jail?
A small medium at large…
6 Likes
A farmer in the field counted his cows, and counted 196 of them.
When he rounded them up he had 200.
7 Likes
That took me longer than it should have.
1 Like
Daughter: Can I go visit my boyfriend?
Dad: Boyfriend? Well, can you spell “way”?
Daughter: W…A…Y…
Dad: You forgot the “f”…
Daughter: There is no “f” in “way”
Dad: Exactly.
7 Likes
I see Oltman’s preparing his material for when his girls get older 
4 Likes
I like that one!
1 Like